grief

im listening to tatu - goemansai followed by secondhand serenade's stay close don't go...
im depressed tonite.....i rily feel lonely, heart-broken, sad...empty....
i dunno whom i should talk to...

i did hug my roomate coz i rily felt something..but...without saying any word..
i began crying.....i cried ..n let her hug me back for a while...
i was seriously in grief....

previously, i did think of reading al-quran....but,
since i 'couldnot'... i juz listened to some of my housemates reciting yasin...
while listening to them, i did some zikr silently....
i prayed to God...
pls....pls take away this kind of feeling....
i was really horrible....
i wanted to cry.....but i juz bear it for a while...
juz after the doa....i rushed to my room...
having my head covered with my blanket...
i cried and cried....
i was miserable....i was really unhappy....
why on earth it would be like this....

God.....i missed the  good old days....
where all the happiness bloomed and wrapped me with blissful moments....
why did it have to be like this....
why....why.....why.....
was i too ignorant.....was i too foolish.....was i too selfish....

right now...
i could not do any homework given by all the lects or reps....
i dunno what had happened to me recently......
i dunno God....i dunno.....

i was bad ...disorganized fella....
who may take things for granted....
but believe me....
i'd done my best.....i'd given my all....

what was that still did not satisfy you....
you'd given up before you knew the whole truth...
why was it me that needed to make you happy?
i dunno n dun mind if im using the correct grammar or sentence type...or even vocabs..
i dont care.....
im pissed of....
i dunno whether i should get mad at you or not..i dunno....
where r all the mutuality of all these matters....
why do i feel the feeling of unfairness....

im sick....you told me that you are tired of all these...
but,,...have you ever thought of me?of my feeling all these while??
you said that i always wanted to win in everything...
did you ever realize that you were the same?
why was it becoming even harder...even more difficult for me?

im a simple person....you are too...
but why we have to make things complicated ?
im puzzled..im confused....do you know that?

i missed you....i missed u badly....
but how im gonna say it in a proper way?
ive told you that im bad with sweet words...
i know im such a fool in this matter....
you know that rite?
you know i could not explain things well....
tell you the truth......i've tried my best....i swear.....

i juz dont know what is it that you want....
pls tell me ....straight to the point.....
i dont wanna get entangled with unsolved puzzles and riddles...
just tell me...what is it that you want so bad.....
dont punish me by behaving this way....
it hurts....it hurts me badly....

i still remember....

when i was about to give up....
you asked me for another chance....
tho i'd told you that i was not into you anymore....
yet....i'd givenyou another hope....
that moment...i thought...you are my only one....
the one that will understand me solely...
the one that will be there when ever in need...
the one that will love me without hesitation...

nevertheless...
things changed ya....
when it was my turn to screw up...
you didn't give another chance...instead of putting an end to our relationship...
did you know how sad i was...
i knew that i was wrong....
but i did seek for your forgiveness...
i apologized ....i said sorry again and again......

you just ignored me....
you were being cold,,,
you hated me rite....

i did  asked for a second chance and you replied 'give me some time'
i remembered...when you asked me for a second chance...
did i ever hesitate like what you did?
you then told me that i did not understand you...
what do you expect....do you understand me then?
why were  we arguing on unimportant matters???
why..............why......................why............................................

each day....
i feel that  you are going far and far away from me....
are you running away from me?
what is it that makes you behave this way.......
i dunno what am i supposed to say anymore....
i dunno..i dunno....i dunnoo........
God.....im begging you.....
pls help me...
pls help him....
pls help us....
amin......




"rainy nite overwhelms my heart...
everything seems blurry tho i can't find the reason why...
is it bcoz of d falling rain or juz my confused state of mind..."

tudung pasar malam =)

d same opening la kn....well.....ahhaha 

since when la kn i rajin nk hapdate blog...but, since d time is not rily hectic...

so, im taking diz opportunity to write something la...

urm...a normal student day...

except for d compliments i'd received for wearing slightly different from usual...

instead of kutuking me, they praised me...nice eh...thnx everyone! =)

i dunno a 5 ringgit tudung would make a positive difference on my appearance! ha! *like diz...

then..wat does it mean?

for me...sometimes , u don't need to waste your money buying all the expensive clothes or shawl juz to look nice rite...

even pasar mlm stuff can turn u into a different person...

*if kena gaya la kn....hahaha

coz...d other 5 ringgit tudung has provoked tremendous kutukan from my friends ..

saying how ugly it is....how i should not wear it anymore n blah...blah...blah...

but, d latest 5 ringgit tudung which is purple in colour, makes them praise me ..eheh...*segan~ XD

so....be smart n don't waste money on expensive stuff...

coz u can buy other necessary things that u need later in d future...hoho~

salam 1 malaysia~ XD

11.36pm

1 july 2010

thursday~

d dream....

...tulah.....mak aku slalu bising...jgn tdow pas asar...
nti tulah...ni lahh...
tpi aku nih degil....lg2 time ujan kt kL ni kn...sejukkk...pastuh..dh 2 hri aku tdo kul 3 cmtuh...
so..tdi aku tdow la pas asar....


zzz....


mimpi yg plek....
dlm byk2 org....knpe lak en kwn lme gle x cntc leh muncul...
siap g jaln2 agy taw...*bajet dating la plak kn....hahaah
tmpt pon suwiitt....ade aquarium besaaa....dh a aku ske tmpt2 gini.... XD
sudhnye....aku ngn dye naek vios.. ( ye kott...hahaha)
smpi umah dye...ade dak2 pmpn skola aku...dok bising sbb jeless..hah!
yela..dye ni supesssstarr skola kateknn....dh la comel...pndai..alim..x miang...sporty...wah, hot type gituhh... XD
psstt...aku pn gk minat dye time skola dlu...
yela...otaku cm aku..sah2 la leh ade crush ngn mmt muke sme ngn wtk anime kn..
lam cte ni....dye lahh.... *ahhahahh~


mimpi....mimpi....ala....skg pon dh xrpt dh...
aku still simpn agy msg dye thn 2007...pehh...lme x...
1st tme dye msg aku mse krismas 06 xslap...pas spm...
punyelah bkn men terkejottt aku dye msg...xcaye sehhh!!! 
dh arr lam jepunn...yela, dye wish krismas...
ngn ase x pcye penuh lam ati nihh..aku dok tnye la btol ke dye org nye...
n mmg la dye org yg betul...xkan org tipuuu lak kn...hahah
pastu dok msg2...dye nk taw sal jepun2 ni...so, aku ngn excited nye pn gtw la pe aku tw kn...
n satu hal lg yg wat aku cair ngn dye nih...coz dye rajin g surau...tu aku ckp dye alim..
bgus kn?kn? ingt laki zman skang senang ke nk nmpk kt surau?? susah beb!


haha....tpi skg dh xde dh...zmn dh berubah...
dye pon mne igt aku skg....
xpelah...pe2hal, d fact tat aku pna kwn ngn dye pn dh wat aku hepy coz dye mmg super nice guy! XD
so..wlw d mne dye ade skg, wish dye all d best n be cool as he already is...




p/s - entri ni lam bm cz dye sgt hebat bi...kang aku slh wat ayt kng...xpsl je...hahaha XD






10.06 pm
29 june 2010
tuesday~

belanja mkn..again...hahhah~

there was a 'pameran inovasi' at d main hall...
which mdm had appointed me to shoot some videos and take some pics..
so...as d handycam n d camera were prepared...
i only needed to do my job jela kn...hahah
enjoyed it...
yela...all of us cm ceria2 je kn....
amani, muna, nani, bihah were also there..bfore they went to d cafe...
leaving me...huaa...nvm lah..
so..i went to ourr booth la..joined rachel, malini n kuan kuan...
d lecturers were oso there la...waiting for d judges to come n visit our exibition...
i was restless...so..i went around taking some pics here n there...
if i knew diz, mybe i wud borrow azwan's dslr...hahaha
oh..saw tat cute guy too...like usual lah..i wud remain silent if i did encounter d person i like...*stupid..caitt...


hahahah...


umm...wat else...yahh...
our lunch today was sponsored by our lecturers at a nice restaurant in jj...
dunno wat kind of restaurant but d food was nice!
i had ambra juice and portuguese chicken rice (if i'd not mistaken d name) for lunch..
like it!mybe someday im gonna take my syg hving lunch here kot..hahaha XD


btw..yesterday's dream was freakin odd..
i dreamt of all (i tot la..) d boys i'd my crush wif n oso couple2 thingy..
wohh...but, hafni's wasn't there (again, i tot) instead of those guys bfore hafni..
hahhah...mus told me tat God wanted me to b super loyal to hafni...hahaha
yelaaahhhh... XD




4.21pm
11 may 2010
tuesday~

wat a delightful weekend! XD

- after d amazing performance -

ohohohohohohhooo!!!!!
well...well....well.......
wat a rily blissful n amazing weekend i had! alhamdulillah!! XD
y?
cz diz weekend, which i meant; starting from friday, saturday n oso sunday!
ahahahahha....


okiesss...here's d schedule...hahahahah XD


friday, 7 may 2010~
there was a 'pesta konvo' at d institute n i was involved...
y?coz i was one of d fund-raising committee yg kena organized d jualan activity...
our head for this part was akma, a very hardworking girl n pndai masak2... XD
so...diz activity went on quite smoothly cz d business went well...
not to mention how billah 'attacked' those lil kids to buy our cupcakes n chocolates...
hahahha...she was 'dahsyat' !!! wicked! hhahha...
but, thnx to her,byk untung maahh...
everyone did their part too...mus, chel, jci, yuri, chiah, zana, aja, bihah, st, ying, viki..
n not to forget our juniors...thanx everyone!!
n yeah...y i was damn happy??
hehe...well...mus said it was lame but...i saw 'him' today, walked passing our stall...
*hensemm gilee!! XD i was soooo excited..(over a plak en...hahahha)
btw...thnx to wan cz bg pinjam his super cool dslr, so i went around la snapping some pics ... siap dpt tempahan soh emel lg taww....*wah, nk blagak lak en..hahah


d day was tiring but i did enjoyed it!hahahah...
so..after all d kemas2, i went home taking some stuff nk kena basuh..
otw balik. smpt g usha blok blkng...to see my admired smart for two car...
n...luckily...it was there!!!so..feeling satisfied, i continued my way home~ XD
*wohh..penat gile...smpai2 umah trus tersadai bwh kipas...pns gile...
after quite few minutes siap2 wif mus, we went to tesco cz mus wanted to cook for her bf, mr q...hahaha n oso to buy some stuff for myself la..
buy blck pants for tomorrow's orchestra n watched 'the losers' !!
it was a funny movie!rily enjoyed it!hahhaha
b4 tat...we had a 'mcd picnic' .... mygosh!hahahah XD
well...a trip to downtown wud b d next...those two boys bz searching for vest..
yelah..nk mpk hnsem kt esok...
can't wait for tomorrow!! XD


saturday, 8 may 2010~
woke up quite late...slhkn bilik muna yg sdp wat tdo..hahahah
well...mus n muna ate 'fris base' for breakfast...hapehh jehh... =.=''
n i was gelabah cz xsiap lg...izni n najwa dh siap2 n i x mndi lg...
pinjm izni's shawl n trus blek umahh...alyaa n sarah oso tga siap2...
after 'few' minutes, trun laa...n we went to klcc...yeahhh!!
we arrived at the philharmonic hall quite early n b4 anyone else...
cuak gk...takot2 slah en...hahaha
then n we saw our music lecturer n d juniors...okeh...>_<
waited few minutes for everyone b4 masok dat cool orchestra hall..oh yeah!
d look was beautiful! rily loved it!
n d performance by those talented artists was amazing!! gosh! i rily felt grateful tat i had this chance..alhamdulillah~ XD
i was mesmerized by d stunning performance...seriously! i loved it!!! XD
haha...well, it was only 1 hour performance, so, around 1.30, d show ended..
n we went out nfrom d hall, satisfied, n happy! >_<
we took some pics, wif our happy smile carved on our face..xcaye? plz have a look at d above pic...hahahah XD




sunday, 9 may 2010~
haaaa...today! i woke up quite late again...cz tdo lmbt smlm en....ahhahha
i found a very cute albino cat with yellow-blue eyes..mygosh!!subhanallah!! i rily wanted a rare breed like tat!!wooaa!!dh la manja... XD



thanx for d happy weekend which made me smile for a quite long time gak la...hahaha
alhamdulillah~~~ hapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..hapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...happy!! >_<




8.43 pm
sunday
9 may 2010~

ironman 2 best!! hahahah XD

last saturday....

muna, akma, aja n me....had decided! nk tengok ironman kt times square =)

so...cek la website gsc...ade tiket 2.35...cun~

we went there by bus...

n 'there' had been changed from ts to pavilion...

y?coz akma wanted to have lunch at pavi's foodcourt...

oke lah...

when we arrived there...omaigosh!! ramai gile org beb! T_T

xpelaa...tgu pnye tgu...dpt la tiket kul 4...

thnx God~~~ XD

well....nk habeskn masa....

juz lepakking at d foodcourt...i ate korean noodle (boys over flower's influence)

hahahhaha.....

-mi korea yg pds gle...hahhaha-

yummy!! haha~

juz eating n chit-chatting wif em till almost 4...then, we blah to gsc....

ready to watch ironman 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weeehhhhoooooo~~~ XD

i was soooooooooooooooooo excited!!

yelah...i din watch d 1st movie kat cinema coz i tot it wud b boring...

later...ble dh tgk kt laptop...

perghhhh~~ best seh!! hahahahha XD

so....d next movie?cinema of cozzz...

robert downey jr wassssssss demmmmmmm hotttttttt!!!

perghhh....i rily wanted stark's highly sophisticated house! OMG!!

hahahaha...n d suit...was demmm cooollll!!

wah... fall in luv with d moviee...

d scarlet was oso hot.... XD

dunno wat to say anymore.... *speechless!!! hahahahah!!

thnx everyone!!!

10.23pm

monday

3 may 2010~

luv my family! hihi~ XD

well..my mom, my dad, anem n niza came last sunday....

yelah..alang2 pegi mngundi kn..

so, they all balik kmpung then singgah my house...

i was happy to see them! yelah...lme kot x balik...

mak bwk nasik n lauk from kmpung...(act, aku ingt nk je blnje mkn lua..tpi lwt daa)

ade mcm2 lauk siap...

dijdikan cte aku mmg lapa gle cz pas asar bru lunch kn..

melahap pnye mlahap..

anem lak dok dealing wif my printer...she wanted to print pics..

so..thnx to anis for her jarum-refill..hoho...xtw nk pngel pe... XD

mom brought along some fud for me...

wah..mcm time2 kt asrama dlu taw..trimasss mak... XD

n oso my new tdung...

my dad was rehat2 je ...n niza bz reading a magz..

gossiping n chatting blah2...

i made them simple drink...cz i duno hw to cook..hahaha

after that...cz they wanted to cntinue balik to kedah..

i teman them smpai parking...

n waved them gud bye...thnx for visiting me~~ luv u all!!!hihi~

n i walked home..slowly....smiling...

i love my family ~ =)

7.58pm

27 april 2010

tuesday~

coret2 ajeee~

juz got back from tmn ten..

yeah...andsaler blnje me mkn...hihi

n y late?coz we watched bog momma at tv3 till habess....oh yeh!

thnx andsaler!!! hahahahah XD

it was a calm nite when he called me around 8pm...

ajak dinner....so, i agreed n we went to tmn ten after isyak...

tell u d truth..

he's kind n very sweet... =P

i'd fallen for him when i was in foundation..hahaha

but now, he's my very gud friend la...hoho~

well...i ordered kueytw kungfu..n limau ais..

he?cm biase la...nsik gorg cina n teh o ais...

then...i saw this kid wif otak2...haha

lme seh x mkn..then, andsaler juz ok je of i wnted it..hehe loving it!

so..i ordered~ tenkiuuuuuuuuuu...lme gle...i tot onli downtown got otak2...hehe

in d middle of chit-chatting...came aja, billah n zana...

we pn borak2 la jgak...kne2 kn aja...hahha... aja's hilarious~ XD

then...they gotta go cz it was gettin late..

uhh...so..andsaler n me cntinued our sembng2 n watching big momma...

..till d end...hihi...so

we went back around 12....

thnx andsaler for tonite... =)

12.43 am

17 april 2010

friday going saturday...haha~

Baan Ruen Thai ~

huhu...

today's lunch was sponsored by miss amyzar n mdm joe~

at a thai restaurant, Baan Ruen Thai...well, saying d truth,

this was the first time i had my lunch at a Thai restaurant..

but d waitress is a malay n she din dress up like a Thai or wore anything tat looked thai...tat spoiled d thai mood i tot...

but..it was ok tho....

we ate soo byk2...n kenyang gile tho we din order any desert at all..

(was quite disappointed lah gk...hhuhuhuhuuu...)

i went there by jci's car..thnx jci!! XD

along wif nani, ying n faris...

paih, estee, juden n vicky went by their bikes ...

d meal was gud..we ordered things we nver ate b4..haha

n my nasik goreng tom yam was late...

*they shud improve on this mahh...

we ate..we sembang2...we minum2...haha..

we had fun n enjoyed d meal...hehe

thnx again to our lecturers yah... XD

well...why they belanja us actually?

hoho...it was coz of our 'readed' video success during d monthly assembly..

ppl were amused n d lecturers congratulated us for tat..

conclusion~ they were so kind n treated us a Thai meal...hihi

thanx again =)

oh yes...this is d video.. =)

okeh...nk siap2 cz andsaler ajak dinner..hihi =P

8.46 pm

16 april 2010

friday~